Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
