Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
