I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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