I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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