The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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