It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
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Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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