worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
