Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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