just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
