I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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