Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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