You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
