you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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