The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
