you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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