Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
