im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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