Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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