Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
