I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
