i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
