my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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