the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
