I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
