That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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