I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
