Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
