Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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