I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
