You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
