Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
