She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
