You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
