I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
