I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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