If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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