he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
