Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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