At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
