and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MIDGETS
????
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
