hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
