I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
