I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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