This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
