I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
