I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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