Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
