I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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