Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
