I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
