got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
