some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
