the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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