Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
