i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
