A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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