we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
