we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
