Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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