It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
