youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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