Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
