i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
