Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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