you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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