The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
