Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
