When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
