I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
