my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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