I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
