You can't motorboat a personality
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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