oh god the rape fog is back!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
