I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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