you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I could fuck to npr.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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