I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
