Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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