I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize