I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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