You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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