Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
