Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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