this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
