i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
