i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
