Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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