no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You ruined the universe
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
